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This period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {