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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she has been repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her partner walked away, which came as a huge shock. Many of her social circle disappeared during that time, because they seemed drawn to her husband. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, probably realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, several of her friends have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel my role in our friendship is to listen. I start topics of conversation and she changes them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to propose factchecking or other angles.

She is organizing a vacation to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in previously. My intention was to provide insights, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her decisions. I recently ended a month there she is eager to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she can understand the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, my state is pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, but it is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation with a view to working things out requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Step three is to ask how the two of you going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. One effective method involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore all you say, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version of their life they won't release because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. It's tough as there is no easy route here, just dead ends. But she may initially present defensively and then think your perspective. If you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you closure that you've been honest with her.